Geoff Schoenberg

My housemate has recently acquired an Xbox 360 and this has resulted in numerous FIFA and Madden battles (with an occassional NBA game tossed in). Naturally, me being the competitive person I am, I have certainly gone over the line in gloating after victories, but hey, videogames are perfect for fun and meaningless banter! Using my recent videogame resurgence, this week’s top 5 features games I remember playing in the “good ol’ days”.

Honourable Mention: NFL 2k5 (Xbox) – I’ve included this as an honourable mention since I was at the University of Arizona when it was being played and that’s recent enough to not count as the “good ol’ days”. Highlight: “Skillz” (Harry) getting overly frustrated at my strategy of using a three running back formation to slowly and surely drive down the field at 4 yards a play, every play. Hey, if you don’t like it, STOP IT!

5) Super Bomberman (SNES) – This was a great game to play either competitively or as a team against the computer. Highlight: When you were able to punch a bomb over the wall and trap a friend and watch them curse at you violently.

4) Blades of Steel (NES) – Childhood misbehaviour at its finest. My poor grandfather, who could barely understand how to play the game, had to deal with me comprehensively beating him while my sister would cover him in blankets, beat him with random objects, and cover his eyes. What a tolerant man. Highlight: No game or moment jumps out specifically, but the fighting aspect of the game was great.

3) Tecmo Super Bowl (NES) – Probably the one game I was closest to unbeatable in. I had a vicious pass rush (though googling now has told me I was “lurching” and it is considered an unsportsmanlike technique; but c’mon, I was a kid!). This was the game where the QB could launch 109 yard bombs with little effort; the most effective way to run to the endzone was by weaving your way across the field; and there were only 8 plays in each team’s playbook. Highlight: While I don’t remember the specific circumstance (it may be because I might have lost), at one point “The Dean” turned to me while we were playing and yelled “Where’s your precious Bo now?” in reference to the force that was Bo Jackson. “Where’s your precious Bo now” still lives in our vernacular now and is used as an effective taunt.

2) NHL 99 (N64) – Countless games of NHL99 were played between me and the other members of my teenage crew. The teams were always the same, it was Donald and Blake against Mike and I. However, our objectives were different, Donald and Blake were focused on winning the game. Mike and I were focused on accumulating as many body checks as possible with our custom made behemoth defencemen, while still winning, of course Highlight: The simple skate down the right wing, cut across in front of the goalie and shoot for the top corner. Guaranteed goal every time. Featured in many classic comebacks.

1) Goldeneye (N64) – Compared to Goldeneye, Facebook looks like an amazing productivity tool. The amount of my life I have contributed to this game is scary and disturbing. One of the few games I played in copious amounts on both single and multiplayer modes. The controls were simple enough that anyone could play and understand what to do but advanced enough that it wasn’t blind luck and there was skill involved. My favourite multiplayer game mode was License to Kill in the Complex with Pistols and I still reckon I’ve got a chance against anyone. Highlight: When, somehow, one of us would sneak through Mike’s machine gun fire and he would get lived yelling, “You can’t run through bullets!!!”

Sometimes, video games are exactly what’s needed. Game on people. Game on.

A friend of mine at church approached me recently and told me that she had found the perfect girl for me. She was described as attractive, energetic, Christian, and I was told we would get along great. She’s a teacher who has recently moved to Australia after growing up in the USA and had lived in a Sweden for a while. This person does sound like a great match! However, as I’m moving away from Melbourne I’m not really in the place to start a relationship. I said thanks to my friend for thinking of me, but now wasn’t the right time.

But this got me thinking, what is the perfect girl for me? Now, I don’t believe that there is only one person out there for me, and it’s even more unlikely that a perfect match exists, but it’s still good to know what (you think!) a perfect match would be. This certainly isn’t the first time I’ve had these thoughts; as a single person, you can end up spending a lot of time thinking about what you want in a partner. It’s easy to say that I want a girl who shares my sense of humour, is sporty, has travelled, is smart and blah blah blah all that stuff but I’ve met and dated people who check all the boxes and we just never clicked. Similarly, I’ve met people who check almost none of the boxes and it was other factors (timing, etc) that meant we didn’t work.

Because of this, I’ve started to try and change my approach when thinking of a partner. Instead of trying to make a puzzle with a bunch of random pieces (personality traits, hobbies, interests, experience) I’m trying to figure out what the completed puzzle looks like first in the form of a “life approach”. (Obviously, the puzzle metaphor can only go so far as I’m not looking for a partner who looks like a 1860s lighthouse on a remote Scandanavian hill.) This  life approach described in a word or short phrase and is more identified by big things like the motivation behind major decisions in someone’s life (jobs, travel, moving, etc) and the approach to smaller things such as planning a night out. Some examples include “Fearless”, “Minimalist”, or “Stability”. Someone who’s life approach is stability is unlikely to quit their job before finding a new one, will tend towards rational decision making, and embraces the ideas of plans.

While this is still a fairly recent paradigm shift for me, a conversation with a friend led me to believe that I’m looking for someone who is “adventurous”. An adventurous person, to me, is someone who actively seeks out new challenges, believes she can succeed, and is comfortable with uncertainty, but not in a careless or reckless way.

It may be that “adventurous” will be the wrong word; that I’m actually looking for something else completely different or a slight twist on adventurous. For me, for now though, it’s all about shifting the paradigm in terms of thinking of what I’m looking for. In that sense, I am not too bothered if I’m searching for the wrong thing at this stage.

What are you  looking for? What “life approach” makes your current partner the right one? Are they an “achiever”? A “carer”? A “steady grower”? Discuss in the comments below…

Geoff’s Top 5 Reasons he’s sad to leave Melbourne (reverse order)

5. The awesome view from his flat that’s constantly reminded him of the amazing city he lives in.

4. The number and the variety of places to drink and eat. There’s a place for every mood and you’re always finding new surprises.

3. Something is always happening in Melbourne both big and small from international sporting events to small local festivals.

2. The perfect Melbourne summer day trumps pretty much everything.

1. Leaving the people who’ve made his life wonderful. Thanks to all of you.

Three years ago a facebook fad occurred. People were encouraged to write a list of 25 things about themselves that most people would not already know. Here’s my list, first posted in April 2009 with my comments from now added in. [like this]

1. I learn best by teaching others. [Still true, but I have also improved my ability to learn on my own, primarily through writing]
2. I love leadership. Putting others in a position to succeed and watching them do so gives me immense satisfaction.
3. Vice versa, I get really frustrated when I delegate something and the person does a terrible job because they don’t care or are too lazy.
4. I’ve been naturally talented at many things, but have not worked hard enough to become excellent at them. I seem to always be very good but rarely exceptional. [In some ways, I feel like this is because I put a lot of emphasis on balance in my life so I rarely devote the time required to be exceptional]
5. I don’t like watching movies as a social activity. I have nothing against movies, but if I am looking to spend time with my friends, staring at a screen and not speaking to each other for 2 hours isn’t my idea of quality time. Plus, I’d often rather go to bed. [Still very true. I'm simply not interested]
6. I was on Facebook in September 2004, long before most of you had even heard of it. At that stage only students at certain American universities were allowed on Facebook and I just happened to be at the University of Arizona then. [I think this my least favourite inclusion in the list given the way it is framed. If I had framed it as my desire to be an early adopter, then I'd like the post a bunch more]
7. I’m way more of an introvert than you probably think. I’ve become very comfortable with my extrovert side and have yet to fully develop my introvert side.
8. I often change who I am depending on who I’m with and what we’re doing. [Changing "who I am" seems to be too strong a phrase, but it's not necessarily inaccurate]
9. My standards for others are often higher than of myself. I tend to be somewhat hypocritical that way. [It's totally not a fair attitude, but it's true. I'm a bit of a jerk this way]
10. I managed to go to the wrong floor for an accounting job interview, take 5-10 minutes to figure out I screwed up and still get offered the position. Which apparently requires close attention to detail…. [Just a funny story. Not as good as my Finnish Prince story...]
11. Being a bartender has been one of the jobs I enjoyed most. [In the right circumstance. Working with good people, in a good bar is rewarding. It's job that requires constant, but not overly difficult work, in a team helping others have a good time]
12. I take care of others before I take care of myself (While this may seem admirable, it is usually in a bad way. I will ignore my problems to help others). [I'm better now at reaching out to certain people when I need a chat etc, but I'm still very willing to ignore my issues/needs when someone else is hurting]
13. I have a memory for those who wronged me/intentionally hurt me/deceived me/lied to me. I may not ever say or do anything about it, but I will remember.
14. I don’t spend money on material goods. Usually when I spend, I buy something to use or consume. [I am more willing now to spend money on clothes, but I'm still judicious towards those purchases]
15. I love being on a campus. The atmosphere of learning inspires me. [Then I started teaching undergraduates and that inspiration disappeared quickly... Joking! This was a nice thing to read and remember having just committed to another 3 years as a student]
16. My biggest fear is that of not being able to accomplish something. That’s why I rarely try my absolute hardest. That way I always have a built in excuse. [This probably links into point 4 as well]
17. I’m moving to Melbourne for Grad School in September and have had almost every emotion imaginable cross my mind when I think about it. [I'm moving to the Gold Coast for PhD studies in March and have had almost every emotion imaginable cross my mind when I think about]
18. Over the last two months, my close friends have proven to me why they are my close friends. Thank you. [Two months three years]
19. I often forget how important God and the United Church have been in my life. God and the church (which I view as separate things) have had a significant part in making me who I am. Many of my friends, my relationships, my theatre work, my youth work, my beliefs, my values, and my support network were developed through my time at St. David’s, Wild Rose and Northminster. [I recognise the importance more now and am more comfortable with the role of religion in my life. Shout out to the community at West Hawthorn Uniting Church]
20. I often throw jokes in the middle of conversations that shouldn’t have jokes. I will be the only one laughing in a theatre. My sense of humor is a little weird I suppose. But now for something completely different… [Yep. I'm still twisted]
21. Two sports I thought I’d never like, but have come to follow are Cricket and Formula 1. [I've realised I don't "follow" sport that much any more. I far prefer the stories around sport more than the day to day wins and losses]
22. I’m really, really proud of my sister. She has the drive and passion to go along with her natural talent. I wish I found ways to push myself the way she has. [She now works for Disney!!]
23. My Grandfather is one of the most amazing people I know. There is no way I can encapsulate all of the ways he has impressed me in this note. Career wise, he was the general manager and opened the hospital in Grand Falls and proceeded to run the largest hospital in St. John’s for many years. [One of the hardest goodbyes I had when I moved to Melbourne was to my Grandfather]
24. Dogs are the one area where I am irrationally emotional. I have bawled through Homeward Bound, Bill Simmons’ “The Dooze” column, many other tv shows/jokes/anything. In fact one of the things I missed most while away on my trip was my dog. She was the only person I couldn’t talk to. [Copper passed away two years ago after degenerating quickly due to a variety of diseases. A side comment in this post isn't enough to explain how much I miss her. Very likely this will be the topic of a future post]
25. I still have no idea who I am. [Nobody knows who they are because we are always changing faster than our self-perception does]

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Do you have any personal writing/blog posts/journal entries from a few years ago? Anything interesting jump out at you when you re-read them?

In what could become a regular feature of the blog (given my track record of “regular features”, the emphasis is HEAVILY on the ‘could’), I introduce to you “Geoff’s Top 5″

Geoff’s Top 5 reasons he’s excited about living in the Gold Coast:

1. The Beach

2. The Weather

3. Learning to surf

4. BBQs and BBQing more regularly

5. The days that combine all of the above!

The worst emotional moment of my life happened close to three years ago.

The best thing that could have happened to me happened that same day.

The after effects led to new jobs, countless tears, world travels, periods of cynicism and optimism, fun and failed relationships and a whole lot more. Yes, three years ago I was broken up with and so my life path changed from being a comfortable and well-scripted romantic comedy to an unsolved mystery that features a random Zach Galifianakis style character to keep things fun.

A recent absent-mindled flicking through my facebook timeline of all the years, the photos, and the status updates brought back a lot of memories. These memories, coupled with the major crossroads I am currently facing, has led to a serious period of reflection on how I have ended up where I am now. So many things have changed since the start of 2009. As part of a series of posts on these reflections, I look at that break up and (some of) what I’ve learned.

Looking back now, I can see even more clearly that the time after that relationship ended was probably my most emotionally difficult period [believe me, I realise how lucky I am that a failed 4-yr relationship counts as, possibly, my most traumatic personal event]. As I had been unemployed and with no clear vision of what I wanted to do, the relationship had been the one stable presence in my life. When it ended my life was thrown into chaos. Suddenly, things that had seemed impossible and been ruled out and forgotton about were back in play. Plans that I had were thrown out. On the professional side, my life got sorted out very quick. Within a month, I had an exciting and challenging seven month contract position with WorldSkills 2009 and had been accepted to study my Masters. No doubt these achievements helped lift me and give me something to focus on.

On a personal, things took a lot longer. There were breakdowns on squash courts, tears at inside jokes we had shared, and, perhaps the hardest, the effort required to pretend I was doing okay [sadly, sometimes needed]. I was so very fortunate to have so many friends to support me, to drink with me, to dream with me and to cry with me. I had put so much into that relationship and allowed it to define who I was so much that the ending of it really put me in an identity crisis. I had become a ‘we’. Going back to an ‘I’ was not easy. When I found out, a little while later, that she was a ‘we’ again, that was the stomach punch. No longer were we both suffering separately, but it was now I alone who had to put himself back together. [Note: I can retrospectively realise that she was also going through a really hard time, but that's certainly not what I felt at the time]

It takes a lot of time and distance to be able to objectively look back at a situation and see what’s been learned, especially something that is so intertwined with the heart. In all truthfulness, the emotional involvement of matters of love mean that, in all probablility, there will never be a time that I can be truly objective about the impact of this event. But, that doesn’t mean the activity is futile. So, what did I learn?

Firstly, I learned that disagreement needs to happen and it’s okay for it to be passionate [within limits, obviously]. It’s okay to be angry, upset, frustrated with a partner and it’s important to communicate this. Never having a passionate argument mostly likely means that something is being left unsaid. While my brain knows this, I’m still extremely bad about harnessing the assertiveness required to begin these conversations prefering, instead, to make the relationship issue all my own. This carries over outside just romantic relationships and into all my relationships. As much as I like to envision myself as being highly adept at managing conflict, I rarely initiate it and most of the time, I will avoid it. I’m trying to get better, and trying to state my mind in more situations, but it’s still not easy.

Secondly, I’ve learned to trust my gut more. Everytime I do a Myers-Briggs test, I usually come up very even on the Intuitive-Sensing scale, meaning that I balance my gut with research in trying to make a decision. Sometimes, despite all evidence to the contrary, your gut is right [Read "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell]. It’s easy to convince yourself that you’re just in a lull, that you’re still in love even if you aren’t, or that once that one thing changes, it’ll all be okay. You can’t just evidence away those gut feelings, they are there for a reason. Carrying that thought into new relationships, it’s easy to enjoy all the joys of new romance but if there’s a big feeling in my gut that it can’t be as good as it seems, I’m trying to pay attention!

Sometimes the best things grow out of the worst. Did it hurt? Yes. But I don’t know if I’d change anything about it. The end of that relationship opened the doors for a whole new life for me. And it’s a life I’m happy living.

My Valentines day special… A twist from my normal writing style/blog theme… “The moment I wait for”

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I feel the soft sand beneath my toes as a warm evening breeze floats across my face. My ears pick up the distant laughter of children, the chatter of a group of friends, and the gentle roar of a jetski skipping across the waves. Opening my eyes, I see the sun slowly setting amongst the clouds with its golden reflections beginning to touch the water. In this scene of serenity, my mind races. I think about you, about me, about us. I think about the tears and the smiles. Somehow, this moment has become more; there is a hovering of uncertainty that has joined us. Trying to ignore it, I stand still, watching, waiting, anticipating, knowing, and yet not knowing.

I feel your hand drop from mine and can tell you’re thinking the same thing. You step down the beach, your towel landing at my feet as you toss it behind you. I watch your body sway side to side as you step away from me. I see your legs feet disappear beneath the shallow waves. I remain motionless as the ocean swollows your body as you dive beneath the water. Rising, you swim effortlessly into the sun-coloured sea eventually finding a place to stand where the water gently laps at your navel. Your silhouetted torso hovers in the solitary stream of sunlight streaming across the water. The sky has come alive with oranges, reds, and yellows bouncing off the clouds. I stand, befuddled, watching this perfect seen of beauty unfold. Then, with the tiniest of glances, you turn your head and look back at me and everything becomes clear.

I grasp the bottom of my shirt and raise it over my head, slip off my shoes, and step forward. Each stride becomes longer and soon the cold ocean greets my sand encrusted feet. Where that cold blast has slowed me down before, this time it shoots life through my veins and I jump straight in. Coming out of the water, I begin to glide through the water towards you.

I reach you. Standing beside you, our hands come together. Our eyes remain glued on the soft glow coming from where the sun once was. This is the moment we know. This is the moment we’ve waited for. This moment is perfectly understood in its peaceful silence.

Dear Lonely Future Geoff:

I am writing to you from Melbourne in February of 2012. You’ve just had a great weekend that involved drinks with a couple of different friends on Friday, some yoga sessions, an entertaining professional soccer game, a great 30th birthday celebration for some other friends on Sunday, and then a Super Bowl BBQ on Monday. This is pretty sweet, and it’s probably the sort of weekend you’re wishing you were having right now.

Yes, you now live on the Gold Coast, making that move in early 2012. It wasn’t an easy move to make. Present Geoff has great friends in Melbourne, amazing flatmates, a good place to live. Really, I have a wonderful life here. And while thinking about all the awesomeness that is in Melbourne might make you question your decision to move to the Gold Coast, let’s go back to September 2009. Late that month, you strolled off an Airbus A380 and proceeded through customs at Melbourne’s Tullamarine airport. You essentially had one friend in Melbourne and knew less than a handful of other people. You didn’t have a place to live, you didn’t have an income. You were quite alone, and while  excited, also very scared.

But it was okay, you would be starting university soon and, surely, you’d meet lots of people there. Your experience told you that universities are great for making friends. However, as a masters research student, you soon found yourself separated from most of the student body working in your fifth floor office. Instead of being surrounded by fellow students, you were now sharing an office with casual academics and PhD students. Suddenly, the expected boon to your social life had fizzled and things seemed more alone than ever.

The move to a new city was always going to be tough. While you had travelled and lived abroad before, you had been with friends and you always knew you were going home after. The move to Melbourne was your first real solo, long-term adventure. Amplifying the difficulty of the move was the stability of the social life you had in Calgary. You’ve been blessed with many, many friends you have known for ten or even twenty years. Yes, the peer group has evolved over the years, but there had never been a need to actively make new friends like when you first came to Melbourne.

But guess what? You did make friends, slowly, but surely. A friend of your housemate got you playing futsal regularly where you met some new people. You got to know the students at your uni a little bit better. You took up lawn bowls. You went to a few random house parties. Basically, you said ‘yes’ to pretty much any invitation. And your friendship network developed. And it is this open attitude that has made it hard to leave Melbourne. You made a life for yourself here. And you know what, the same will happen in the Gold Coast. It takes time, energy, an open attitude, and risks to make happen, but it will happen and it will happen faster if you make it happen. Turn to the wise words of  Barney Stinson. He reflects on his own experience of sadness saying “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True story.”

Go be awesome.

GKS

Dear Future Geoff,

You should be reading this when you are bashing your head against the wall wondering what possessed you to study a PhD. As present Geoff is very excited to begin a PhD, it seems to make sense to try and harness some of that positivity and put it here, so you can access it whenever you need to.

First. Take a breath. It will be okay. Second, go get a beer, it will help dull the pain in your head.

Back?

Okay, do you realise how exciting it is to get to study and research what YOU want? As a PhD student, you have chosen your topic. Yes, at this moment, you may wish to burn every sport governance textbook in the world, but deep down you know the value of boards and of sport. The leadership of sport organisations is something that has always interested you and you are working to both understand and improve this crucial part of sport management. Now, take a step back and look at what you are not doing. You’re not working on something you don’t care about, you’re not ‘working for the man’, you’re doing what you want. It’s okay to be frustrated at times (everyone is, both PhD students and normal people) but remember, sport governance stimulates you and interests you.

Next, look around you. Walk to your boss’ office. Oh wait… you don’t have a boss. There is no one standing over you telling you what you should be working on, how you should be doing it, or when you should be doing it. Yes you have advisors, but that’s just it, they are advisors. You do not have to do what they say (but you better have a good reason for ignoring their advice!). If you want to work from 10pm to 4am every day, you can. If you can complete the work you need to in only three hours per day, then you only need to work three hours per day! You are in control of your life, your lifestyle and your work-life balance. Yea, you might be reading this after doing a ten-day 19 hours/day writing blitz, but think about all the times you decided to work from home, or took a friday off, or headed home early.

Obviously it’s nice to be working on something you chose and doing this in whatever method you want, but why didn’t you just start your own company? You know you have tons of different business ideas. You could be an entrepreneur and have “true” freedom. A very valid point. But think of this, how much do you love strolling through a university campus at the start of the semester? Think back to wandering around the various random campuses you have been at. You love being at a university. The challenge, the prestige, and the suffering that comes academic life are things that stimulate you. The PhD is the next step. Remember your very first academic conference? You were a volunteer at NASSS in Tucson in 2004. As the only undergraduate student attending, didn’t you feel like this was part of what you were supposed to do? Learn and share new things. How rewarding was it to present your masters research at SMAANZ? The academic world is where you are happy.

Think of most conversations you have. Usually, at some point, you have a research idea, correct? If nothing else, that right there tells you why you should be doing your PhD. You always want to know more, you always want to understand more, you are interested in learning. The academic world is where you belong.

Your PhD is your ticket to academia. Yes, there are academic’s without their PhD, but you will not reach the level of academic career you want without it. Doing it now is easier than trying to do it part time, with a family, with a mortgage. Oh, and if you’ve changed your mind and no longer want to be an academic, then go finish the freaking thing so you can get on with the rest of your life, because, Geoff, you don’t quit just cause it’s hard.

Sincerely,
February 2012′s version of you

PS. One last note. You are being paid to be a student. Read that again. You are being PAID TO BE A STUDENT. That’s awesome.

Sadly nobody has offered me a live ESPN television special for me to announce what is coming next in my life [Lebron James reference], so you will have to hear my decision here [or I have told you already]. Sidenote: Isn’t this what blogs are for, pretending that everyone cares what I’m doing? Anyways…

As I have submitted my Masters thesis I am now officially a bum contributing nothing to society rather than just a poor graduate student. That means it’s time to figure out what the next stage of my life will be.

My life as a poor graduate student has been so rewarding, I have decided to continue along that path and begin doctoral studies at Griffith University on the Gold Coast in Australia. I have received a scholarship from them meaning that I will be on a liveable wage and with tuition waived. So, not only do I get to continue being a student, I will now be paid for the privilege. The PhD is expected to take three years and is 100% research based, meaning there are no required course etc. There is a confirmation of candidature process that occurs approximately one year into the program that is designed to ensure the research is on track and will be suitable and manageable for PhD level. The timing of my move from Melbourne to the Gold Coast is not definite yet, but it’s likely to be between the end of March and the middle of April as there are some details that need to be ironed out.

So that’s it. If you need to find me between April 2012 and March 2015, chance are I’ll be at the beach. Bookings and availability listings for couch space will be announced in the future, so stay tuned.